It's probably quite clear by now that I'm struggling with the next installment of my narrative. In this next installment, I grapple with an explanation at the limits of speculation. I've checked myself over and over again, composing and recomposing the next portions of this project in my mind and on the page.
When walking the tightrope between speculative hope and capital-T Truth, there are many spots to question motives, assumptions, and beliefs.
I've also be processing the many reactions to the Supreme Court's decision to allow same sex marriages throughout the nation. It's a decision I'm very happy for. I'll be the first to admit that I am no disciple of the Constitution, and that strict constructionism baffles me. Semantic arguments about constitutionality that reference 225-year-old phrases have little sway over me, and beyond the system of checks and balances and the Bill of Rights, I look at the document as a brilliant historical artifact that should be studied but not worshiped. This is all simply a long-winded way of saying that I measured the Supreme Court on whether they did the right thing and care very little about whether that right thing was also the "constitutional" thing.
The responses to this decision have been troubling on all sides. The multiple prophecies of doom and gloom, the baffling resurgence of absurd explanations for the very existence of homosexuality ("They've all been molested," said one man very seriously to me at church last week, "that's why they love unnatural sex."), and the gleeful hatefulness exhibited by many on all sides has made me question my ideas and my place in the world.
In the long run, this has derailed my writing for several reasons. Most notably, I've been incredibly self-conscious about not only what I say on this blog, but how I say it. The possibilities for miscommunication are manifold. With the subject material I take on, a lack of clarity in a certain paragraph could damage faith rather than, as is my driving hope for this project, offer a rational and realistic reason for continued hope and faith in the revelatory power of the LDS church and its leaders.
Then I had a conversation with one of my remarkable students yesterday. He shifted my thinking (as my students so often do). He mentioned that it sure would be nice if Mormon scholars and scholars in general (and here I believe he's extrapolating from the few professors he's taken classes from) were less focused reveling in what they don't know and more focused on trying to build something even with the recognition that the ingredients for such a project are imperfect. After reassuring him that there were dozens of scholars doing precisely that (and giving him a long list of reading material), I applied what he said to my own thinking and writing.
I realized that I had been paralyzed by the imperfection of my understanding as I stood over the precipice of this Road to Middoni project. Rather than allow that paralysis to continue, I'd like to take this moment to reassert my humanity and imperfection. I warn you to use your brain and your heart as you read what I write. I encourage you to question me and my reasoning and my conclusions. But the prospect of writing something imperfect no longer frightens me. That imperfection will be a light unto my feet as I continue to try and work out my salvation with fear and trembling. I hope it is of some small help or comfort to you, too.
So, fair warning.
A new post in the Road to Middoni project will appear in the coming days. Thanks for being patient.
When walking the tightrope between speculative hope and capital-T Truth, there are many spots to question motives, assumptions, and beliefs.
I've also be processing the many reactions to the Supreme Court's decision to allow same sex marriages throughout the nation. It's a decision I'm very happy for. I'll be the first to admit that I am no disciple of the Constitution, and that strict constructionism baffles me. Semantic arguments about constitutionality that reference 225-year-old phrases have little sway over me, and beyond the system of checks and balances and the Bill of Rights, I look at the document as a brilliant historical artifact that should be studied but not worshiped. This is all simply a long-winded way of saying that I measured the Supreme Court on whether they did the right thing and care very little about whether that right thing was also the "constitutional" thing.
The responses to this decision have been troubling on all sides. The multiple prophecies of doom and gloom, the baffling resurgence of absurd explanations for the very existence of homosexuality ("They've all been molested," said one man very seriously to me at church last week, "that's why they love unnatural sex."), and the gleeful hatefulness exhibited by many on all sides has made me question my ideas and my place in the world.
In the long run, this has derailed my writing for several reasons. Most notably, I've been incredibly self-conscious about not only what I say on this blog, but how I say it. The possibilities for miscommunication are manifold. With the subject material I take on, a lack of clarity in a certain paragraph could damage faith rather than, as is my driving hope for this project, offer a rational and realistic reason for continued hope and faith in the revelatory power of the LDS church and its leaders.
Then I had a conversation with one of my remarkable students yesterday. He shifted my thinking (as my students so often do). He mentioned that it sure would be nice if Mormon scholars and scholars in general (and here I believe he's extrapolating from the few professors he's taken classes from) were less focused reveling in what they don't know and more focused on trying to build something even with the recognition that the ingredients for such a project are imperfect. After reassuring him that there were dozens of scholars doing precisely that (and giving him a long list of reading material), I applied what he said to my own thinking and writing.
I realized that I had been paralyzed by the imperfection of my understanding as I stood over the precipice of this Road to Middoni project. Rather than allow that paralysis to continue, I'd like to take this moment to reassert my humanity and imperfection. I warn you to use your brain and your heart as you read what I write. I encourage you to question me and my reasoning and my conclusions. But the prospect of writing something imperfect no longer frightens me. That imperfection will be a light unto my feet as I continue to try and work out my salvation with fear and trembling. I hope it is of some small help or comfort to you, too.
So, fair warning.
A new post in the Road to Middoni project will appear in the coming days. Thanks for being patient.
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